Heather's Tag Response

I was tagged by my niece, I'm not sure what that really means, but I was told to post the 6th picture from my 6th folder of pictures and tell the story, so Heather this is for you.

This is one of our hundreds of hospital visits to Dupont Hospital in Delaware since June of 2006. This was May of 2007. Gavin was almost 1 years old. He is still tiny and fragile looking. When Madi younger, she would spend alot of time sitting in Gavin's Crib with him either watching TV or playing. Now she has gotten so big that this doesn't happen as much. My Arm is in a sling because I had just had shoulder surgery. I was having a great deal of shoulder pain and it got to the point where it was intolerable. I went into surgery expecting to have orthoscopic surgery and have four little holes, and came out of surgery with a two inch incision and minus the end of my shoulder bone. It was following this that I discovered my love of Morphine drips. I had a Pic line and a pump and was in heaven. It also was a time in which my sisters and mother in law were wonderful, I would wake up and find one of them sitting by my bedside at home. Apparantly I was quite entertaining to those sitting there, although I don't remember any of it. Anyway, now I have the same pain in my other shoulder and the only thing that is keeping me from having the surgery again and getting the morphine pump is that my supposedly fixed shoulder still hurts.

Bless those who love us!!!!!

It has been so long since I wrote, I forgot my password. Either it really was that long, or I am just slipping into forgetfulness. I have been struggling to sit down and organize my thoughts. My darling oldest, Jenny blogged me reminding me that my "two fans (Jenny and Jim)" are looking for a new blog.

It is hard to believe that my Baby, Karen, has just celebrated her 5th wedding anniversary. Jim and I were able to spend the daywith Gavin and Madi, so they could go celebrate. We had a wonderful time with the kids, all day long, but once Karen and Adam came home and left with our little angels. Jim reminded me of what the most special part of the day was. He turned to me as we were talking and said "The best part of the day was that Karen did not call the entire time they were out." Trully, he hit it right on the mark, it warms my heart to think that they were able to have six hours to just be Karen and Adam. (If you don't know about what their life is life visit GavinOwens.blogspot.com) We had fun talking to Madi about Mommy and Daddy being out on a special anniversary date and had her giggling when we were pretending, "Oh Karen I love you, Kiss, kiss, smooch smooch, Oh Adam i love you too kiss, kiss smooch, smooch." She was laughing so hard and rolling on the floor. We had a great day of playing just the four of us. It is so hard not to tire out our little Gavi, becuase he has so much fun playing and just being a 2 1/2 year old. It is hard to remember to take breaks and have quiet time for him. We did better today at remembering to use Mommy and Daddy's words and tell him to relax. At which he drops his head to his chest and sighs. How precious.

When Karen and Adam returned home, it was so funny to hear their story about their time togeather. It is scary how much your adult children sound like your own experiences. I love my girls more than anything, but poor Adam, Jim and him have more in common then they think. Adam's attempts at romance led to responses that were probably not what Adam was expecting, ( or maybe he was and was just trying to see what would happen). Karen like her mother does not respond well to spotlights or social situations. It reminded me of so many times that Jim has tried to shower me with something loving or romantic and my response was not so typical in return. I am not a social person and my insecurites abound in a social setting. Anyway, unfortunatley like mother like daughter. But God Bless those who love us !!!!!

I have found the perfect match, someone who is the total opposite of me in many ways, yet is tolerant and accepting of my own faults even when they are so far out of what he can understand. Jim had to do a Personality Test for work the other day and he brought it home and over dinner said that he was sure that if we did it for me I would score completly opposite of him on every point. We did the test and no surprise, We are total opposites and match on nothing. If we had to depend on "Match.Com" forget it we would of never been matched 18 years ago.

Till We blog again

By the way excellent movie recommendation from someone who can never remember watching a movie and many times watches an entire movie and never knows I have just seen it the previous year. --- Calendar Girls and Gran Torino

Learning to find peace

Even though I hate snow, ice, cold, sleet, wind, shivering; Christmas is my favorite time of year. I would not do it in any other climate, but would be happiest if I could do all the Christmas doings without ever leaving my house into the cold. We live on top of a mountain and when we first moved in to our home 16 years ago, everyone thought I was crazy when I said it was colder up here, but you know what "It is colder up here".


This year has been made even more special by our Grandkids. Jim and I were sitting having dinner one night following a very intense and frightening conversation about Jim losing work over the holiday as they are doing a mandatory shutdown, when our phone rings. On the other end is a very excited little girl inviting us to come over and sing Christmas Carols around their tree. Of Course, being the Nana and Pop Pop we dropped everything, left it all on the table and jumped in the truck. I think Jim even walked out with a string of spaghetti hanging ever so graceful from the tip of his chin. Madi greeted us at the top of her stairs and was waiting to show us her tree. Walking into the living room was walking into heaven with Gavi greeting us from his chair on the floor with screams of Nana and PopPop. While Gavi babbled happily, Madi gave us a tour of her tree showing us the ornaments and showing us what each one meant to her. She then proceeded to gather us all around the tree holding hands and insisted we sing Christmas Carols. We did this for her, Mommy with her headache, Daddy and Pop Pop each with his own stress of the day and individual worries for the future, and Gavi all joining togeather in our own rendition of Jingle Bells and We wish you a Merry Christmas. Ahh this is what makes everyday perfect. Forgetting about all the pain and worry for the future for Gavin, fear over financial concerns and letting a little 3 year old lead us back to the Evergreen Tree and to remember what is important in life. God's hand is guiding us all and he already knows the plan and will prepare us all for each and every day and give us the strength to handle it all.



But really, "God, we really need an extra dose of it right now, We are thankful for your gift of our grandchildren, but are feeling pain at the thought of losing one from our arms."

Learning to balance

Well we are getting ready to go to our first holiday party. Thank goodness it is casual tonight, as I don't seem to have anything I really like in my closet anymore. But that aside, really what I am thinking about tonight is balance. It is amazing to me how we create balance in our emotional life that we have right now. Even though every moment of every day is spent worrying about our grandson, how our granddaughter is coping and how to love and support our kids through an experience most parents never have to deal with, we still seem to find a balance. Some days are easier than others. Taking a vacation farther than 2 hours is not doable, but creating vacation memories close to home with Gavin for as long as he is with us and Madi is. Planning for the holidays has been an emotional roller coaster over the last two years, are we going to celebrate it hear at home or will Gavin be in the hospital, so we visit Boston Market for a Thanksgiving feast to go. He has yet to be home for this holiday, but we still have a dinner fit for a king it is just held in the hospital. Trying to create normalcy out of what is chaos. Today has been a tough day for me emotionally, Our little Gavin is very sick with bugs, yet he is not symptomatic as he should be, what does this mean keeps running through my head, is his little body just to tired of fighting off anything, or is it just going to rear it's ugly head in another form.

Is this the time, he develops a superbug which because of all the medicine he has been on for so long, and they cannot find an antibiotic to fix him? Or as in Gavin style, will he fight his way through and be home by Thanksgiving. I guess were all this rambling is leading, is that even though it is a struggle to try and live life and not focus on the struggle we are faced with, we all still do. My Children are amazing and do such a great job of creating normalcy and balance for themselves and Madison. I admire them and truly am so proud of them both. Karen and Adam are truly examples of how to be a good parent. Tonight as i was putting on my last touches of eye shadow, my cell phone rang, I ran for it, frightened that it would be bad news from the hospital only to be greeted by "Nana, I have something to tell You, I am at the movies with Mommy." in her ever so excited voice. This is my daughter creating balance for her daughter, so if she can do it I most certainly can.

PS if you stopping by to visit for the first time, welcome and to learn about Gavin's little life of 2years 5 months visit http://www.gavinowens.blogspot.com/

Tradition vs. Fear of Change

On Sunday, Adam and Madi were looking at old pictures. Revisiting the past is always fun for me. I have an attic full of tupperware bins that house all the memories of my two little girls. I have every art project, report card, ribbon, stuffed animal, sports equipment, etc. You name it I saved it. My husband and girls have made fun of our attic for years as it is nothing but a sea of these bins, but for some reason they are important to me. I have many things in my life that I look forward. Traditions that we have done as a family from the time my girls were little. Every Christmas morning, Jim and I must go down the steps first with our coffee, turn on the christmas music, light the tree and then the girls were allowed to come down the steps one at a time while pictures were being snapped of their precious faces and not so tolerant faces as they got to be teenagers. These traditions are important to me. We continue them today. Even with my 30 year old Jenny and 28 year old Karen and now Adam and Madi and Gavi. Christmas morning always has happened the same. I wonder, is it fear of change or just my desire to pass on traditions to my children which they will find important enough to pass on to their children? Some day will my grandchildren remind their children that they must stay upstairs until everything is ready and then snap their pictures, while remembering, coming down Nana and Pop Pop's steps one at a time while Nana watched on with nothing but love and hope for the future of our family.

Whirlwind Weekend

Being Gavin and Madi's grandparent always feels urgent, I get this great idea of what I would love to do with Gavin and Madi, and then feel this urgency to do it immediately, as we never know what tomorrow holds. This weekend was actually a fruition of plans made a week ago. Now for most this is so mundane and common, but for us this is a miracle, to plan something for more than one day ahead and have it all fall into place. Madi, Pop-Pop and I got to spend "Madi" time together; at the movies, lunch and back to our house for "Dizzy Dinosaurs", " Go Fish", Playing House and painting our finger and toe nails. We ended our day making blueberry muffins for Sunday brunch.

Today, Adam and the kids arrived first, with Karen to follow as she was out doing her new Photo Shooting, (a whole other blog to be done by a very proud mama). Since Gavi was in need of a nap as well as Daddy, they were able to do so. Which left Madi and I to do our thing. Madi and I spent some time looking at photo albums of pictures from when her Mommy was my little baby. This was so great, to watch face light up with amazement and to hear her own commentary on the pictures. We played our first game of Candy Land where she was able to follow the rules and play the game as it was made instead of her own inventions of the past. We have a closet that is filled with games and toys from when our girls were little. It is always a treat when we get to go into the closet and see if we can find a new toy or game that she is now old enough to play with. Today it was tiny, tiny legos, urghh, but the fun was in the dumping of them. We also attempted to watch KungFu Panda, which she has been asking to see since she saw the previews at her first movie she ever went to withMommy and Daddy. As we never got her there, we ran out to get it last night when we heard it was coming out on DVD. Guess what, it was too scary and she only could watch about 2 minutes of it. I don't blame her, from what we saw it was very odd for a kids movie, but then I thought "Finding Nemo" was atrocious for kids within the first three minutes, his mother and entire family is all wiped out. Anyway, everyone has left for the night all bundled in their PJ's. I got to hold Gavi for all of three minutes, but life is all good. Now it is just me and the silence as Jim is at the Eagles Game ( which is another whole post).

For those that know me best, you know I do not start or end my days with lots of energy, I am neither a morning person nor a night person. My morning pretty much looks the same, I shuffle to do what we all do first, then slip into my slipperes and robe and pour my coffee, which if my husband knows what is best has all ready made. I then sit in my Blue Nana chair and stare out the window while I drink my energy. Now, I usually remain this way until Jim has left for work, with a kiss and minimal conversation if he knows what is best. At that point, it is suppose to be my devotional time, you know read my bible and pray. But for some reason, it turns into a session of; plans of redecorating major portions of the house, deciding to start a diet or committing to walking when I come home. This morning I realized that somehow, I have changed. When my girls were growing up, I was pretty relaxed with them playing and making a mess, but at the end of the day I was fanatical about my house being cleaned up, at times in my life I have been obsessive about the appearance of my home, washing drapes and windows every week, everything has a place and is in a place.

This morning it is Thursday, I am sitting in my favorite morning coffee chair, with my feet planted all over Go Fish cards, next to Hungry Hungry Hippos, staring at all the cushions from our outdoor furniture spread all over the floor with Dora Blankets covering them. Mind you this all occurred on Sunday during on of our weekly visit from Karen, Adam and the kids (when they are not in the hospital.) My response to this was to giggle and sigh and wish for next Sunday to come as soon as possible. It is okay, change like this is okay, it's better than what is happening to my body.!