Learning to balance

Well we are getting ready to go to our first holiday party. Thank goodness it is casual tonight, as I don't seem to have anything I really like in my closet anymore. But that aside, really what I am thinking about tonight is balance. It is amazing to me how we create balance in our emotional life that we have right now. Even though every moment of every day is spent worrying about our grandson, how our granddaughter is coping and how to love and support our kids through an experience most parents never have to deal with, we still seem to find a balance. Some days are easier than others. Taking a vacation farther than 2 hours is not doable, but creating vacation memories close to home with Gavin for as long as he is with us and Madi is. Planning for the holidays has been an emotional roller coaster over the last two years, are we going to celebrate it hear at home or will Gavin be in the hospital, so we visit Boston Market for a Thanksgiving feast to go. He has yet to be home for this holiday, but we still have a dinner fit for a king it is just held in the hospital. Trying to create normalcy out of what is chaos. Today has been a tough day for me emotionally, Our little Gavin is very sick with bugs, yet he is not symptomatic as he should be, what does this mean keeps running through my head, is his little body just to tired of fighting off anything, or is it just going to rear it's ugly head in another form.

Is this the time, he develops a superbug which because of all the medicine he has been on for so long, and they cannot find an antibiotic to fix him? Or as in Gavin style, will he fight his way through and be home by Thanksgiving. I guess were all this rambling is leading, is that even though it is a struggle to try and live life and not focus on the struggle we are faced with, we all still do. My Children are amazing and do such a great job of creating normalcy and balance for themselves and Madison. I admire them and truly am so proud of them both. Karen and Adam are truly examples of how to be a good parent. Tonight as i was putting on my last touches of eye shadow, my cell phone rang, I ran for it, frightened that it would be bad news from the hospital only to be greeted by "Nana, I have something to tell You, I am at the movies with Mommy." in her ever so excited voice. This is my daughter creating balance for her daughter, so if she can do it I most certainly can.

PS if you stopping by to visit for the first time, welcome and to learn about Gavin's little life of 2years 5 months visit http://www.gavinowens.blogspot.com/

Tradition vs. Fear of Change

On Sunday, Adam and Madi were looking at old pictures. Revisiting the past is always fun for me. I have an attic full of tupperware bins that house all the memories of my two little girls. I have every art project, report card, ribbon, stuffed animal, sports equipment, etc. You name it I saved it. My husband and girls have made fun of our attic for years as it is nothing but a sea of these bins, but for some reason they are important to me. I have many things in my life that I look forward. Traditions that we have done as a family from the time my girls were little. Every Christmas morning, Jim and I must go down the steps first with our coffee, turn on the christmas music, light the tree and then the girls were allowed to come down the steps one at a time while pictures were being snapped of their precious faces and not so tolerant faces as they got to be teenagers. These traditions are important to me. We continue them today. Even with my 30 year old Jenny and 28 year old Karen and now Adam and Madi and Gavi. Christmas morning always has happened the same. I wonder, is it fear of change or just my desire to pass on traditions to my children which they will find important enough to pass on to their children? Some day will my grandchildren remind their children that they must stay upstairs until everything is ready and then snap their pictures, while remembering, coming down Nana and Pop Pop's steps one at a time while Nana watched on with nothing but love and hope for the future of our family.

Whirlwind Weekend

Being Gavin and Madi's grandparent always feels urgent, I get this great idea of what I would love to do with Gavin and Madi, and then feel this urgency to do it immediately, as we never know what tomorrow holds. This weekend was actually a fruition of plans made a week ago. Now for most this is so mundane and common, but for us this is a miracle, to plan something for more than one day ahead and have it all fall into place. Madi, Pop-Pop and I got to spend "Madi" time together; at the movies, lunch and back to our house for "Dizzy Dinosaurs", " Go Fish", Playing House and painting our finger and toe nails. We ended our day making blueberry muffins for Sunday brunch.

Today, Adam and the kids arrived first, with Karen to follow as she was out doing her new Photo Shooting, (a whole other blog to be done by a very proud mama). Since Gavi was in need of a nap as well as Daddy, they were able to do so. Which left Madi and I to do our thing. Madi and I spent some time looking at photo albums of pictures from when her Mommy was my little baby. This was so great, to watch face light up with amazement and to hear her own commentary on the pictures. We played our first game of Candy Land where she was able to follow the rules and play the game as it was made instead of her own inventions of the past. We have a closet that is filled with games and toys from when our girls were little. It is always a treat when we get to go into the closet and see if we can find a new toy or game that she is now old enough to play with. Today it was tiny, tiny legos, urghh, but the fun was in the dumping of them. We also attempted to watch KungFu Panda, which she has been asking to see since she saw the previews at her first movie she ever went to withMommy and Daddy. As we never got her there, we ran out to get it last night when we heard it was coming out on DVD. Guess what, it was too scary and she only could watch about 2 minutes of it. I don't blame her, from what we saw it was very odd for a kids movie, but then I thought "Finding Nemo" was atrocious for kids within the first three minutes, his mother and entire family is all wiped out. Anyway, everyone has left for the night all bundled in their PJ's. I got to hold Gavi for all of three minutes, but life is all good. Now it is just me and the silence as Jim is at the Eagles Game ( which is another whole post).

For those that know me best, you know I do not start or end my days with lots of energy, I am neither a morning person nor a night person. My morning pretty much looks the same, I shuffle to do what we all do first, then slip into my slipperes and robe and pour my coffee, which if my husband knows what is best has all ready made. I then sit in my Blue Nana chair and stare out the window while I drink my energy. Now, I usually remain this way until Jim has left for work, with a kiss and minimal conversation if he knows what is best. At that point, it is suppose to be my devotional time, you know read my bible and pray. But for some reason, it turns into a session of; plans of redecorating major portions of the house, deciding to start a diet or committing to walking when I come home. This morning I realized that somehow, I have changed. When my girls were growing up, I was pretty relaxed with them playing and making a mess, but at the end of the day I was fanatical about my house being cleaned up, at times in my life I have been obsessive about the appearance of my home, washing drapes and windows every week, everything has a place and is in a place.

This morning it is Thursday, I am sitting in my favorite morning coffee chair, with my feet planted all over Go Fish cards, next to Hungry Hungry Hippos, staring at all the cushions from our outdoor furniture spread all over the floor with Dora Blankets covering them. Mind you this all occurred on Sunday during on of our weekly visit from Karen, Adam and the kids (when they are not in the hospital.) My response to this was to giggle and sigh and wish for next Sunday to come as soon as possible. It is okay, change like this is okay, it's better than what is happening to my body.!

Going behind the Curtain

Tonight was the big night where we get to meet our neighbors and see people we have not seen for years out here in the "sticks". Entering behind the curtain was different for me this year. I usually am very strong in my beliefs and who I feel best represents my values and beliefs. This year I took one look at the screen, and felt shear panic. Then we went out for comfort food, Chicken Cheese Steaks from our local Deli. Neither Jim nor I said a word about what just transpired, it is just to weird. We will just wake up tomorrow and pray that God has led us, as a country, in the right direction.

Politically exhausted

Entering the Blog World

Well, I have finally done it. I have been adicted to my children's and Grandchildren's Blogs for the past two years, but now it's is my turn. I have thought about doing this for awhile as a way of journaling to my grandchildren. For if I used an actual journal, they would never understand my handwriting.